I had been wanting to get my college degree for some time now, but there always seemed to be something more important or demanding of my time and energy. 22 months ago, I finally embarked on the path to a lifelong dream: A college degree. Now, at 48 years of age, I completed my Associate program and plunged right into my bachelor program. My goal is a bachelor's degree by the time I reach my 50th birthday. So far, I’m on track.
December 2007 - Posts
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I saw a commercial on the television today about online learning and the actors portraying the students did the things that I do: get kids off to school, go to work, feed the family, and schoolwork whenever and wherever I can fit it in. At the end of the commercial, the spot portrays a guy carrying a box of his things into an office (with a door), presumably his new office, and with a satisfied smile setting the box on the desk.
I couldn’t help imaging that I was that guy. I was that person, that online-college graduate, who after earning my college degree found a job that would give me an office with a door. Who doesn’t want an office with a door? But then I began to wonder if my choice of degree would ever get me an office with a door, and that made me wonder if after all of the hard work earning my degree I do not get an office with a door would that be ok. Then in today’s mail, I received a courtesy notice from my student loan provider with a bunch of information including my current account balance.
Timing.
Ok, so if after all of this hard work, and after spending an enormous amount of money earning my degree I do not get an office with a door, would that be ok? Yeah, I know, I’m repeating myself…but would it? I think: I’m already an executive assistant…I really have no aspirations to be anything other than an executive assistant, do I? So, what’s the deal about the office with a door? Why did that commercial get to me? (all rhetorical questions)
I have another week before my next block of classes start. Classes that are still on the list of compulsory requirements so it doesn’t matter that I don’t have answers to these questions just yet. One thing I do know: having a degree is better than not having a degree. Through a tumultuous year, I never gave up on that.
In the final hours of 2007, I paused to reflect on the year we have had; no, the year we (my family and I) endured. Through months of various hardships; residential, medical, occupational, emotional, and financial, my family now faces a new year that closes doors on some of these issues and opens windows of opportunities for the future. It is what we do with the opportunities that will define how bright our future will be. Everyone has heard of the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, right? Well, once again, we can see that light and it is a beautiful sight.
Exactly what that light is remains to be known. That we (my family) are back on track for our long-term goals is already known. How long we take to get there is up to us.
Best wishes to everyone for a happy and prosperous New Year.
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Who would have thought that a middle-aged professional would qualify for a student loan? What hope does a lender have for someone like me to be in a position to repay forty grand before dying of old age? Ok, maybe that’s a bit dramatic. Seriously, though…isn’t the idea of lending tuition to a young college student based on the idea that with a degree the young graduate will find suitable employment and eventually earn the big bucks that will allow them to pay down that loan that after all the interest has accrued would easily have bought that same person at least two cars? If so, how does a lender figure that a fifty-something graduate who already makes the big bucks but who has endured financial setbacks over the past three decades (which is why she needed a student loan in the first place) is a good risk as a borrower? It is not like I’m going to be able to find a better-paying job…in fact, (and I’ve written about this before) with my degree and our relocation to Nebraska, I doubt I’ll make as much after earning my degree than I make now.
Definitely makes me wonder how to approach this from a budget standpoint. I have been ignoring it mostly but today I started setting up our family budget for the New Year and I realized it is a major factor I must address now. When I started my degree program I had intended on paying my tuition using my employer’s education reimbursement program combined with extra money from the family budget. As we all know however, the best-laid plans often meet with obstacles foreseen and unforeseen. When our income was slashed in half, I had to choose between incurring further debt and giving up (yet again) on my dream of a college degree. As each new block of classes adds to the balance, I am reminded that to continue without supplementing it (through scholarships or otherwise) is a backward step away from my family’s goal of moving to a better life.
I asked my financial counselor for advice about scholarship opportunities. She pointed me to several scholarship search engines (listed below). I had to sign up for all of them, which likely put me on a bunch of junk-mail mailing lists—a small price to pay in my view if just one of them provides me with an opportunity to prove myself scholarship worthy to a reputable scholarship provider.
http://www.students.gov - Student Gateway to the US Government
http://www.fastweb.com - Fast Web
http://www.csac.ca.gov - California Student Aid Commission
http://www.collegenet.com - College Net
http://www.sssc.com - Southwest Student Service Corp
http://www.collegeboard.org - The College Board
http://www.accessgrp.org - The Access Group
http://www.finaid.org - The Financial Aid Information Page
http://www.absolutelyscholarships.com - Absolutely Scholarships
One way or another, I am going to get out from under the student loan. If there is a scholarship with my name on it, I am going to have to find it because they are not out there looking for me. It won’t be the end of the world if I wind up with none either. Nevertheless, it won’t be for lack of trying.
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I thought it would be so welcome…that nearly-two-week period of time between the end of Block VII and the start of Block VIII. After all, didn’t I earn it? Didn’t I work very hard and ignore my friends and family in the name of International Business? Didn’t I skimp on Christmas presents this year so that I could afford my tuition? Didn’t I sweat it out wondering whether or not I’d get my final papers done on time considering I had an impossible month of medical calendar headaches?
I earned the break. I looked forward to the break. I had all sorts of plans for during the break. And then I woke up.
My purpose for returning to school has such a bigger picture. It is not just about getting my degree. Of course, the satisfaction of having my degree is very important, but it is not why I went back to school. I’ve talked about it before; my family wants out of the Bay Area. We are going to move and it is just a matter of when. We have spent the past few years putting ourselves into position financially and emotionally. We have talked about it with family and friends. We keep saying “in 2-3 years, we’re moving.” There have been setbacks over the past 5 years, but this year, we stopped saying the “3” in our “…2-3 years…”
What that means to me is that I need to hold up my part of the deal: I need my degree within that 2-year period. I can do it if I keep pushing forward and keep doing whatever it takes to achieve my goal. So, the nearly-two-week period of time between Block VII and Block VIII is an opportunity for me to study for CLEP and to prepare for PLAC.
CLEP, which stands for College-Level Examination Program, is provided by the College Examination Board and allows students the opportunity to take a test rather than a course in various areas of study. If the student passes the CLEP test, the student receives credit for the course and saves time and money. The fee to take the CLEP test is under $200, and we all know that the course is much more expensive.
PLAC, which stands for Prior Learning Assessment Center, is another opportunity for students to take their experiences and non-traditional education opportunities, such a seminars and workshops, and turn them into college credits. Axia College of the University of Phoenix has a comprehensive resource center on both CLEP and PLAC and I downloaded a bunch of information today.
Today is Christmas Day. I had a very nice day with my family; we had waffles, opened gifts, ate turkey, watched television, napped, and taught the dog how to shake his paw for a cookie (that’s huge!!). I was wondering what I would do with my day tomorrow, and the next day, etc., because I do not have to return to work until January 2nd. Last week, all I could think about was that I would be enjoying some lazy afternoons in front of the TV. After all, didn’t I deserve a break? But today I decided no. Today I decided that tomorrow begins a rare opportunity for uninterrupted study time…no kids to nag about homework and no bedtimes or work headaches to interfere with for the next 7 days. Tomorrow, I will study for the CLEP and begin to collect my submission for PLAC. When I succeed in both, I will have shaved at least 18 weeks and potentially 27 weeks from the amount of time remaining in my degree program (not to mention a whole bunch of money) and my husband and I might just start saying “…1-2 years…” when people ask us when we are moving.
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I was talking to my mother yesterday (I had called her to wish her a Merry Christmas) and during that conversation I told her something that was sort of an epiphany about how I perceive my own ability to succeed in college. I touched on this briefly in my post A Different Kind Of Commitment earlier this month where I mentioned that I used to believe that I was not smart enough for college. That attitude bred fear of failure and allowed me to hide behind excuse after excuse, which ultimately prevented me from even trying.
I was fortunate to have landed a dream job when I was barely 21 years old. I have been at the same company ever since with the exception of two years when my son was born. I made a name for myself at the company I work for…a good name, with a reputation for loyalty and a solid work ethic…such that there have been times where management have sought me out for opportunities within the organization. I have always been proud of that and try not to let it go to my head.
One downside of this good fortune is a false sense of security. While I believe my employer values me and my contribution to the company, the reality is that nobody’s job is ever that secure, especially in the fast-paced high-tech industry, and even more so in Silicon Valley (San Francisco Bay Area for those who are unfamiliar). A very dear friend of mine was laid off recently from this same company. This dear friend had been here as long as I have, was valued as highly if not more highly that I am, and yet she became a statistic in a recent reduction in force.
Going back to school initially was, and to some degree still is, my fallback in the face of an economy slump, and my insurance policy for when it came to be my turn to be in the market for a new job. When I first decided to go back to school, it was the first step toward ensuring that when my husband and I moved away from San Jose into a slower, lesser economy, I would be able to command a decent salary. (Being fifty-something with no degree was not the way to go about it.) When my friend was let go, however, the stark reality that I could be next put a level of anxiety (like I needed any more) on my objective.
It was this added anxiety that reminded me of my fear of failure that had prevented me from trying for so long. As I related this all to my mom in that phone conversation yesterday, I started to realize that beating myself up all these years for failing to go to college was a completely backward perception of the reality. The reality is that had I tried to go to college 25 years ago, I likely would have failed because I was convinced that I would fail. The reality is that it has taken 25 years of life experience to overcome the fear of failure. The reality is that I have proven to myself through dedication, loyalty, and hard work that I am a lot smarter than I believed myself to be.
Merry Christmas, Mom.
I Love You.
Thanks.
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If ever there was a block of classes that qualifies for the phrase “If I can do it, anyone can,” it was my seventh block.
My seventh block of classes started on October 22nd. Midway through week 3, I went to the dentist with a toothache and ended up having an emergency root canal done. A week later, I went back to the dentist because a different tooth was giving me trouble. Of course, that one had had a root canal done to it the previous year…here’s how it went:
November 7th: Toothache, dentist performed emergency root canal surgery.
November 15th: Toothache, different tooth, dentist can’t diagnose – adjusted bite.
November 21st: Toothache (still), dentist still can’t diagnose – adjusted bite again, says probably from clenching…give it time to heal.
November 22nd: Thanksgiving (see earlier post).
December 5th: Toothache (still), dentist decides it’s a fractured root.
December 13th: Oral Surgery – Extract molar.
December 18th: Toothache, (tooth from November 7th), dentist can’t diagnose – adjusted bite, says probably still ‘injured’ from November 7th root canal.
December 18th: Podiatrist appointment, still working on a solution to my foot pain.
December 18th: Pre-operative appointment at the surgeon’s office.
December 18th: Pre-op lab work.
December 20th: Abdominal surgery (another story).
December 23rd: Block VII Finals Due.
Amidst this calendar nightmare was my usual work schedule, my usual school schedule, my usual home schedule, combined with the ramping up of the Christmas holiday season. I managed to get my final projects completed and turned in on time, and am fairly confident in the quality of both. I won’t know my grade until mid January…but have to pat myself on the back anyway because even if I get less than an A on either one, I am proud of myself that I did not just throw in the towel midway through the block.
So, I repeat: If I can do this online learning thing, anyone can.
I am SO looking forward to winter break.
Oh…and I still have a toothache.
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‘Twas the week of class finals and all through each night…
…the caffeine pot bubbled; winter break was in sight.
The previous eight weeks were spent dutifully confined…
…to textbooks, chatrooms, and classrooms online.
Midweek are due CheckPoints, called capstones, to tell…
…to the teachers what students have learned very well.
Winding down toward Sunday when final projects are due,
Bleary-eyed students tweak a sentence or two.
When suddenly an A-student anxiously sees…
…a vision of her grade report showing a D.
She quickly perused through her homework although…
…she was doubtful such fate could befall her four-oh.
Through pages and posts, both on paper and not…
…she flipped and she scanned wondering what she forgot.
The grades were all there, the assignments turned in…
…the feedback is gushing, what then was her sin?
When, what to her wondering eyes she did find…
…but an error, not hers, from a teacher who’s blind.
The assignment’s not mine, she exclaimed with delight…
…the teacher had made a mistake one week’s night.
For three anxious days, she awaited relief…
…from the teacher whose error had caused her such grief.
When finally after untimely days off…
… “The grade is correct,” the teacher did scoff.
The teacher insisted an appropriate grade…
…had been given the paper that was turned in that day.
No wrong grade was given, she continued to try…
…to show proof to the miserable A-student why.
If it weren’t for the fact that the teacher did try…
…to prove to the miserable A-student why…
The A-student would have reluctantly taken…
…the D grade and remained permanently shaken.
But there in the indignant proof she presented…
... (the teacher the A-student surely resented)…
Was not the hard work that the A-student claimed…
…but the work of a classmate with similar names.
Oh my gosh, oh good gracious it was not just once…
…it seems that her teacher’s a bit of a dunce.
“It’s not mine” she exclaimed in all capital letters…
… “My name is not hers and my work much better.”
A couple more pleas in the individual forum…
…convinced the teacher of her lack of decorum.
With the D-grade corrected, retracted, and fixed…
…the slip from her four-oh is now likely nixed.
With a smile and a grin, she returned to homework…
…and completed her finals with at least A+ work.
And posting by midnight, Arizona time…
…the A-student finished Block VII, week nine.
But she said ‘fore she signed off, in the survey she wrote…
…that teacher’s a problem, she’s really a dolt.
Otherwise, she enjoyed all the lessons she’d learned…
…especially where keeping her four-oh is concerned.
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Permit me to gripe a wee bit?
At the end of every block of classes is the inevitable capstone. Honestly, I had to go to a dictionary to find out why it is called a capstone. The Microsoft Word look-up (which, by the way I have become quite dependent upon through my program thus far) defines the word as a noun, and the second definition states “High point. Something considered the highest achievement or most important action in a series of actions.”
Um. Ok. Sure…the capstone is the high point of my classes because it signals the end of nine tortuous weeks. The capstone is considered my highest achievement because all that remains for me to do in the class is to spruce up my final project and submit it on time. The capstone is certainly not my most important action in a series of actions because it is not the last thing I have to do before class is over. In my view, submitting my final project is a capstone. The way the course calendar lays it out, the school puts a cap (the final project) on the capstone.
Seriously, there has yet to be a capstone question that does not ask me how the course has changed how I view something, or which topic was most relevant for me, or how will I apply what I have learned. My initial (private) response every time for the past seven nine-week blocks has been ‘I don’t know and I really don’t care.’ The truth is, I never actually write that in my capstone response. Usually I write something that offhandedly admits I used to view something one way and then after taking the class I view it differently. I use the dartboard-method of picking which topic was most relevant, and then write a bunch of fluff about how going forward I will use this newly acquired knowledge.
In my INS 205 class, the capstone question was a three-part question where the first two parts were actually questions asked in week one. Is it plagiarism if I quote myself without using a citation or reference?
There are so many non-school related things I need to take care of in the next 72 hours. Writing these capstone responses seems like such a waste of precious time.
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One of the best tools my school provides is the Center for Writing Excellence (CWE). Provided by Axia College, the CWE is a reviewing service with a plagiarism checker that helps the student improve skills in research and writing, as well as help save the instructors a lot of time checking students’ work for instances of plagiarism. Additionally, the CWE uses an automated review system called WritePointsm that helps students hone grammatical skills, including formatting, and offers comments and suggestions on how to improve the content of the submitted document.
Submitting my work to the CWE is the last thing I do before posting my assignments in class. The plagiarism-checking tool can also advise the author when a substantial portion of the paper consists of quoted material (which, by the way is frowned upon…instructors want their students to demonstrate process learning, take in information and re-format it based upon their own experiences [or so says my INS 205 instructor]). By using the plagiarism-checking tool within the CWE, I have never submitted an essay or paper containing a plagiarism percentage above 1% (and that 1% was within the references page, so it doesn’t count). By using the WritePoint tool, I am always confident that my grammar, usage, and formatting will not cost me any precious points.
Within the CWE are several tutorials and guides for grammar, common English errors, plagiarism and how to avoid it, as well as sample APA-formatted papers, sample case studies, sample outlines, sample annotated bibliographies. There is information on APA formatting, essay development, and even resources for speakers of other languages. The CWE offers tutorials in common yet required software applications such as PowerPoint, MS Word, and MS Excel. In addition to all of these resources, the CWE contains a search engine in order to find articles on specific how-to topics.
While I do not know if other online institutions have a Center for Writing Excellence, I imagine they have something similar. I highly recommend every online student check it out…look around. They’ll be glad they did.
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…seems to be my mantra these days. Learning what I can and am willing to sacrifice in the name of higher education has been fascinating. I used to watch a lot of TV, and I used to hound everyone in the household to not eat food anywhere but at the dining table. Now, I watch mostly shows I have TiVo’d and there are crumbs surrounding my desk if my husband (bless his heart) has not run the vacuum lately.
Next week is the final week of my current nine-week block of classes. It is also the last shopping week before Christmas and the last workweek before my employer shuts down for the holidays. Not only do I have two final projects due on December 23rd, I have final shopping, final wrapping, and final shipping to do at home. I have final scheduling, final catering, final expense report submitting, and final travel arranging to do at work. I also am having surgery next week (final, I hope!). All of this means I have an extraordinarily enormous amount of sacrificing to do next week in order to get all of my homework done.
I focused on school this week, as I must also next week, because this week I had scheduled oral surgery on Thursday afternoon and suspected I would be unable to produce anything comprehensive that night (I was correct), and Ted’s company holiday party is Saturday night (plus we’re staying overnight in a hotel in The City). I was up late every night, going to bed after 2:00 AM, but I was determined to stay ahead of the game and have all of my assignments in on time or early this week and get ahead on next week’s in the event my surgery prevents me from completing my final projects on time.
A couple of weeks ago, one of my BFFs invited me to her new home for a dinner party tonight and I uttered my usual mantra (no surprise to her, she’s been very supportive of my drive to get my degree). However, over the course of the next several days she confided that the holidays this year were getting her down. Her father passed away this summer, her mother has caused her significant distress (no need for details here, suffice it to say that my friend has chosen to distance herself from her mother and the choice was very difficult to make), and several other family issues have left her feeling alone and depressed. Therefore, although my homework was not finished, I decided that my friend needed me tonight more than I needed an A on my assignment.
Dinner was very nice, she outdid herself and the company was a lot of fun. I excused myself at a reasonable hour, came home and set back to my homework. The break was well deserved, both my friend and I truly benefitted from it, and I think I’ll still get an A on my assignment.
“I can’t, I have homework” is still my mantra. However, there are necessary exceptions.
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Yesterday was my second wedding anniversary. Truthfully, our anniversary snuck up on me this year because there has been so much else going on in our lives and the lives of those around us. Among other things (like moving, loss of income, family court, and two emergency root canals [me]), Ted had knee surgery…twice. I had foot surgery, plus several outpatient diagnostic procedures (not to mention the oral surgery I’m having day after tomorrow, and dual outpatient surgical procedures the following week). One of my BFFs (of more than 25 years) had a benign tumor removed from her ear this year. Shortly thereafter, she was laid off from work and several months later decided to move back to Victoria, B.C. where she is from. Another BFF’s dad passed away this summer and her cousin’s husband (who is also a friend and co-worker of mine) lost his dad in November. My employer has RIF’d three times this year and Ted started a new job in October. His work schedule varies, not to mention his one-hour-each-way-commute so it is difficult to know exactly when he’ll be home leading to being unable to plan farther out than a week since we have an 11-year-old at home.
And that’s just the highlights. And yes, I have a point.
When I decided to add college to my already hectic life, I had no idea these events were on my horizon. How could I know? What I did know was that going back to school was going to entail a lot of compromise. I knew that for a while my family and friends were going to see less of me. I knew that for a while the number of hours of sleep I get at night would be fewer. I knew that for a while I would lose track of that T.V. series I enjoyed so much. I knew that for a while my lunch break at work would become my study period. And I knew that if there were something I really wanted to do, I would have to get my assignment done first.
With the next few years of my life committed to and focused on school, the repercussions of these unexpected, yet significant events could easily have convinced me to yet again set aside my dream of attaining my degree. Nobody would be disappointed in me if I quit. “That’s a lot to handle right now” soothed a friend and confidant. There were times when I was certain that I was headed for a padded room in a pretty white jacket with sleeves that wrapped all the way around.
I know my story is not unique. I know that most distance learners choose online classes because it is the only way to fit college into an otherwise busy life. However, I consider myself proof positive that regardless of what is thrown my direction, as long as I realize that there is always going to be something that if I let it will jeopardize my commitment to myself. When that happens, I remind myself that when I started this journey I knew that compromise was going to be the key to my success.
As I began week eight of my current nine-week block of classes, I looked back at the past 15 months and realized that amidst the chaos and upheaval that has been my life recently not only have I managed to stay on track for my degree, I managed to maintain an impressive GPA as well. Me. Wow. That compromise thing? I hardly realize I am doing it.
Well, except for yesterday. It was our anniversary and by the time I had finished my homework, Ted had fallen asleep on the couch. Sigh.
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I am somewhat ashamed to have admitted in an earlier post that I tend to procrastinate my weekly assignment to the last minute and have to cram research, writing, checking, and posting into one child-ignoring, housework-ignoring, haven’t-even-washed-my-face-yet day of dry-eyed, can’t-leave-my-desk-even-if-the-house-was-on-fire Sunday. Brandon knows not to bother me when I am in “Sunday mode” and Ted is usually at work. My typical Sunday consists of me getting up and sitting down at my computer still in my robe and slippers and cranking away until midnight, which is the deadline for the assignment. (I’m still confused about that sometimes; midnight California time for assignments, but midnight Arizona time for attendance, but that’s another topic…).
Today started out no differently, although I made a valiant attempt yesterday amidst the gingerbread cookie decorating (see yesterday’s post). The library session timed out and I lost my bookmarks so I gave up. My mind wasn’t in it anyway…there were kids, and a Christmas activity going on for goodness sake!! So, when I got up this morning I got a cup of coffee (reheated in the microwave because Ted had left for work hours earlier and the 2-hour timer had since expired) and diligently sat down to start what I should have begun days before. Brandon and Trinity were still asleep—surely because after eating the gingerbread cookies they’d decorated the night before had given them a sufficient sugar rush to kept them up until the wee hours and I really have no idea when they finally passed out; Brandon on the floor of his room with his PS2 controller in his hand, and Trinity on the big chair in the living room in front of the T.V.—so I grasped the opportunity for uninterrupted peace.
Once again, the topic of my essay was one I cared little about so researching it was tedious and uninteresting, not to mention difficult to find appropriate keywords that would return usable material from the online library. Previous instructors have warned against using Wikipedia (and I agree), so finding credible sources that were less than 50 pdf pages of typeface that did not require a magnifying glass in addition to my prescription reading glasses was somewhat challenging. I really didn’t have time to read a lot to glean a little, but I needed 700-1050 words on a culture within a culture that has successfully resisted assimilation.
I found a dozen articles that seemed promising and, remembering my fiasco of the night before, dutifully saved each one in pdf format into a folder on my computer, carefully capturing the citation using the citation tool provided by the university library (I love that thing), refreshed my coffee (I had made a new pot by now), and set to reading.
Ugh. None of these articles had anything worthwhile. It is now lunchtime and after preparing food for Brandon and myself (Trinity had since been picked up by her mother for their 6-hour drive back to Southern California) and then banishing him once more to his PS2 (like he objected to THAT!!), I settled back into research. I had zero words out of 700-1050 so far and the essay was due in less than 10 hours.
Somehow, the material started appearing on the page and somehow I managed to find enough credible stuff that was on topic and provided ample wordage (if that’s a word) to meet the minimum word count. I was on a roll…Brandon had gone outside to skateboard, the dog was napping in ‘his’ chair, the pot roast was simmering away on the stove, the phone was not ringing, and yes, I had actually gotten dressed somewhere during the afternoon (I do not recall exactly when).
What a great feeling! I had finished the week’s work before running out of time. I put dinner on the table just as Ted got home from work, the laundry is done, the dishes are in the dishwasher, Brandon got his shower out of the way and he and Ted are playing happily with one of Brandon’s new toys (we opened one when Trinity was here because otherwise she was not going to be with us at Christmas).
Life is good. I was done before dinner. Now, I can enjoy some quality time with the family before bedtime. Wow…two nights in a row. I wonder if I can do that again….
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I never thought there would come a time when it would become politically incorrect to say 'gingerbread men' when referring to the teeth-breaking confections that are delightfully decorated (and sometimes gnawed at by future dental patients) around the Christmas holidays. Even the box they came in (ok, I bought the ready-to-decorate kit – hel-LO? I have homework??) said cookies instead of men. Seriously, though…anyone who saw Shrek (doesn’t matter which one) knows that the little guy with the cute voice and gumdrop buttons (yes, his gumdrop buttons!!) is a gingerbread man. Of course he is a cookie…duh! But a gingerbread-man cookie.
I digress.
So tonight, Saturday, as I yet again procrastinated on my INS 205 homework, I tried to facilitate the quality-time group decorating of the afore-mentioned cookies. Brandon’s sister, Trinity, was visiting for the weekend and we were watching for the evening the two children (ages 12 and 4) of some friends. I thought I would get the four of them all set up and while they decorated away I would be able to begin the research that I should have started 5 days ago for my 700- to 1050-word paper on ‘resisting assimilation.’ I had the university library open and was able to find a few articles between making sure that everyone had the exact same amount of frosting and equally dividing up the little decorating candies, and I bookmarked about a dozen to go through for my essay.
Word of advice: Do not let the library session time out while sentencing gingerbread men to the fate of 4- to 12-year-old kids.
Yes, I lost everything. All of the bookmarks which was an accumulation of about 45 minutes worth of finding just the right keywords in just the right combination to return what appeared to be just the right number of articles which should produce just the right amount of information for my 700- to 1050-word paper.
So, at 10:45 PM California time on Saturday night, I started over. My fault…I waited until the last minute (again), but now my Sunday once more will be a marathon of research and writing to get my essay turned in on time.
I have to admit though, I really don’t mind this time. After all, I got to spend some quality family time doing a holiday project that everyone enjoyed. We did it together, and it is now a holiday memory that we will look back on and smile.
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Which is it going to be today?
Homework vs. Family?
Homework vs. Friends?
Homework vs. Home?
Homework vs. Housework?
Homework vs. Husband?
Homework vs. Kids?
Homework vs. Kids’ Homework?
Homework vs. Work?
This week it was homework vs. kids’ homework. Brandon had his own project due on Thursday. It was his social studies project—they were studying Egypt—and he wanted to write about tombs. The project also required a 3D element and he had decided to construct a tomb inside of a pyramid. He’d been given three weeks to work on both the report and the construction element and we immediately devised a timeline so he would not bombard me on the night before it was due. I was really proud of him because he stuck to the timeline and turned in each element on its due date.
Now, I am far less talented in the construction department than my husband. Ted’s grandfather was a carpenter and taught him all kinds of neat things having to do with building things large and small so I left that part to Brandon’s dad; after all I had already contributed in terms of grammar, spelling and punctuation in his rough-drafted sections.
My own checkpoint for my INS 205 class (Introduction to World Cultures and Social Environments) was due Wednesday. It was after 7:00 PM and I had less than 4 hours to start and finish writing 200-300 words on my hypothetical experience with assimilation into a culture significantly different from my own. The assignment was one of those “imagine you are…” scenarios where the reality is that you cannot possibly imagine the scenario because you have no experience to base the experience on so you just assume you would react a certain way. The only way I was going to get A+ material out of the remaining 4 hours before the deadline was to start reading the 4 long chapters that were assigned at the beginning of the week (yeah, yeah…there’s that closet procrastinator peeking out again).
So, when Brandon popped his head into my room and innocently asked me what he should do next on his project I am ashamed to admit that I put my own needs before his and told him “I don’t know.” He tried to narrow down the choices: “Should I paint it black?” he asked. I said “I don’t know.” “Can I use the spray adhesive?” He inquired. Oh heck no! I thought silently. “I think you should wait for Dad to come home,” I suggested. Brandon eventually gave up and slumped off feeling rejected and ignored.
Oh the guilt. I stopped what I was doing (I couldn’t read anyway with all the interruptions) and went to survey the progress. He just had the one little thing and yes, it should be painted, but not black…try brown. “Ok, go ahead and paint it but don’t you think it should be brown like the sand?” I suggested. He jumped up all excited and started to get out the materials to paint. As soon as I insisted he change out of his school clothes, however, his interest waned and that was the end of that. Nothing I could say would re-motivate him.
Fine. Whatever. I just wasted 45 precious minutes then. Fine. Darned kids. Aaarrrggghhhh.
I managed to get my assignment written (after all, how hard can it be to come up with 300 words on something, really?) and turned in before the deadline.
Oh, and Brandon got an A+.
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I remember when chatting online was charged by the minute and having an internet connection meant tying up my phone line for hours at a time. I remember when my AOL bill was $300.00 per month or more. Nowadays, of course, paying more than $15-30 per month is just plain silly. It was addictive, this relationship with the internet, and would prove to be the only practical way for me to pursue higher education.
Online learning is very impersonal in an intimate sort of way. Everyone, instructors and students, has an opportunity to tell little or all about themselves in their biography, which is posted on day one of each block of classes. Some people share who they are, some people share what they have accomplished, some people share what they have overcome, and some people just say how glad they are to be in class. Still, even with such divulgence, most of my classmates and most of my instructors are anonymous to me.
So, when last block I embarked on my FIN 215 class (Financial Management—ACK!!! Math!!!), and my struggle with understanding mathematical calculations became obvious, my instructor, Dominique Lalisse, offered one-on-one help via instant messaging. Wow! More than once, Dom spent more than an hour with me patiently explaining how to interpret the material and come to the conclusions that were required. Another time, Dom phoned me to let me know that I had incorrectly calculated two answers and that I still had time to take another look and resubmit my assignment. Wow again!
I met DeeDee in the same class. She shared her messenger contact information with me and we regularly chatted in instant-messaging about the class, where we were on that week’s assignment, what we struggled with (both in class and at home!), and a bunch of other things—family, the weather, work, school. It was a welcome divergence to chat outside of the classroom with someone who was in the same class.
DeeDee happened to end up in my INS 205 class (Introduction to World Cultures and Social Environments) this block, so I am glad to be able to continue our collaboration as classmates. Even if she were not in my class this block, I still have her IM screen name. She’s still there every time I log in. Like a familiar face. Seeing a familiar face sometimes takes a little of the pressure off when starting a new block of classes. In distance learning, the ‘face’ is really only a name. Unless you get lucky. Like I did with DeeDee.
Sometimes, you just click.
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I came to learn something about myself when I started this journey last year. I realized that thirty years in the workforce has given me something that many fresh-out-of-high-school-college students cannot possibly have: Experience.
Distance learning takes a different kind of commitment than do conventional classroom courses. Or so I think. You see, other than high school and an incomplete one-class stint in junior college when I was not even 19, I never tried to make such a commitment. Actually, (truthfully?), I was terrified. If it wasn’t the money, it was the time. If it wasn’t the time, it was the material. Now, as I reflect on the “why I never did” reasons, I realize that ultimately I believed myself too dumb to be able to handle college-level courses.
Confidence in myself has never come easily to me. Although I managed to maintain an above-average GPA during high school, for whatever reason(s) I was convinced that any attempt at college would end in failure. Why bother trying if you are going to fail anyway, right?
Jumping from high school into my first administrative support job happened by stroke of good fortune. It just so happened that I knew someone who knew someone who needed someone to do some filing in a crummy, dirty, warehouse-style office (if you could call it that) of a tiny branch of a national moving and storage company. The office staff consisted of my boss, the warehouse manager, and me. I typed (yes, there were no computers back then), filed, answered the phones, made coffee and tried to stay warm in the dark, dank, heater-free hole-in-the-wall just off of Highway 101 in Redwood City. From there I landed a bottom-rung clerk position at Fairchild Semiconductor in Mountain View and proved to everyone that I was good at clerical work. Three years later, they laid me off and, through an agency, I landed on my feet in 1982 at my current employer where I’ve been ever since.
The past thirty years have provided me with plenty of opportunities to realize that I’m not so dumb after all. I have a heck of a lot more self-confidence than I give myself credit for and if not for perseverance, a good attitude, and great people skills, I would not be who I am today. A class here and there to keep up my skills as technology evolved proved to be the key to assuring my employer that their investment in me was a good one, but ultimately I knew that especially in today’s business world, someone my age cannot rely on experience alone. Longevity, seniority, tenure, and exemplary business references may not be enough should I find myself victim to the reductions in force that seem to occur without warning in Silicon Valley.
So besides my good looks and great people skills (ok, maybe just the latter), and besides my great references and my seniority, I need my degree. After thirty years of performing at or above my own high standards, and thirty years of establishing myself with my peers as the go-to person, if you will, for support and even advice (company-related, of course), I found that experience has leveled the distance-learning playing field for me. My first few blocks of classes seemed so easy; the material seemed to be so ‘common sense’ that I breezed right through them. I got stuck a few times and worked my way through it but ultimately have maintained a 4.0 GPA (so far!).
Yes, distance learning takes a different kind of commitment. I think that online students my age, who have been in the workplace as long as I have, and who have learned from their experience and their mistakes how to improve themselves, and who have a genuine desire to continue to do so will find as I did that experience is an awesome tutor. Pay attention. I did not realize that I had been, but I sure am glad it turned out that way.
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