I had been wanting to get my college degree for some time now, but there always seemed to be something more important or demanding of my time and energy. 22 months ago, I finally embarked on the path to a lifelong dream: A college degree. Now, at 48 years of age, I completed my Associate program and plunged right into my bachelor program. My goal is a bachelor's degree by the time I reach my 50th birthday. So far, I’m on track.
March 2008 - Posts
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Entering week 4 of my first 9-week Algebra class, I have to say that it hasn’t been horrible. Sure, I may never figure out whether the answer is negative or positive after reversing the inequality if dividing or multiplying by a negative number, and I may never be able to make sense of simplifying improper fractions. But I did fairly well on the first quiz…at least I didn’t fail miserably (as I expected I would). It wasn’t an A, but it wasn’t a C either. In fact, it was a B+…imagine that!
I was a little behind in getting my assignment done in my tandem History class so I haven’t spent much time on Algebra since Thursday. I looked at the course calendar and see that I have nothing due in Algebra until Friday. That seems like a long break in between assignments, so that means I’d better get on those practice exercises or I’m going to crash and burn for sure! This week’s focus is Graphing Equations. Uh oh…I’m still a little bit rusty on equations in general…graphing them may take some extra concentration.
History class this week is focusing on the civil rights movement and on “LBJ’s Great Society and the continued struggle for social justice” – dangit…another reminder that I was NOT paying attention in high-school history class. Oh well, there is always the textbook and the university’s online library. The library saved my behind last week when I had to do a PowerPoint presentation on a subject that was not well covered in our textbook. I hope it saved my behind (worried expression)…I haven’t gotten my grade back yet.
I know my grade so far in Algebra…it’s a 95.4%...which is an A on the verge of an A-. Hey, as long as it stays above a C, I’ll be a happy camper!!
So, I guess through all of my griping and grousing this Algebra thing is not as bad as I thought it would be. (Shhh, don’t tell anyone!)
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Just now, while I was folding the clean clothes before the heat of the dryer left the fabric, my husband came into the room and commented that he is not used to me doing it. He felt as though he had somehow let me down because he has been doing the laundry and most of the housework since I went back to school. I reminded him that I still do a few things around here and he conceded, but it brought to mind how supportive he has been these past 18 months while I sequester myself for hours pouring over results of research in the online university library or labor over essays and PowerPoint presentations on topics about which I care very little. He listens to me grouse about how uninteresting many of the assignments are, he admonishes me when I become anxious about the quality of my final submission, and has no problem saying “I told you” when the grade comes back an A.
I have to say that there are times when he seems lazy about some household chores (like the morning dishes which usually await me when I return home from work at the end of the day…after all, he does not leave for work until 11:00 AM, he could AT LEAST put them in the dishwasher…). I find myself annoyed at him because not only do I have to clean them up so I can start dinner, I then have to do the dinner dishes as well because he won’t be home from work until after 9:30 PM. Sometimes, because the dishwasher is still running by the time I go to bed after midnight, he doesn’t set up the morning coffee for me even though he won’t go to bed for another hour or so and his alarm allows him at least three more hours of sleep after I have left for work.
These episodes of so-called laziness are few and far between because he holds up more than his share of the work so that I can focus on my schoolwork. So, when there is no morning coffee, I can wait until I get to work. When there are dishes in the sink I either take care of them or I leave them there…depending on how much homework I have to do.
Distance learners like me, who chose online classes because of their other commitments, especially family commitments, understand how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband. Having a full-time job and a full-time family, any other kind of class would be impossible. As it is, our work schedules give us very little ‘together’ time since he is sleeping when I leave for work and I am doing homework when he gets home from work and by the time he has finished his dinner, I am ready to collapse into bed. Even his weekend is not the same as mine; he typically has Thursdays and Fridays off to my standard Saturday and Sunday, so considering our current “two ships passing in the night” kind of life, it is amazing his demeanor is as complacent as it is.
Thanks Baby.
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Ok this should come as no surprise: Algebra 1A is consuming me. Sometimes by the end of the day I am certain my skull will implode from how my brain feels as though it is being sucked out of my head. Other times I am concerned that my neighbors are convinced a domestic dispute is going on next door for the amount of anguished expressions coming from me as I languish over whether or not the equation’s result is positive or negative (and half the time I’m guessing). I am working every example in the text and running every exercise in the online lab and taking as many sample tests as I can and somehow am managing to keep my head above water.
I said it thirty years ago and I’ll say it now: When will I EVER need to know what x equals and why, if I ever do, can I not just ask someone? Sheesh.
I am determined to pass my math class. Unfortunately, that determination is affecting my performance in my history class. I did choose a relatively easy history class, covering a period of time in the U.S. when I was already living so I have some knowledge of what was going on…question is: was I paying attention?
Ok, from 1945 to 1970…no. I was born in 1960, so for the first probably 10 years of my life I really had no interest in the world around me. At 10, “the world around me” consisted of my room, my friends, my bike, and my camera (I got a Kodak Instamatic camera for Christmas that year and took pictures of everything…when color film came out I took two pictures of everything…I believe my parents went broke processing them). After that, I picked up bits and pieces of history during my elementary, junior- and senior-high schooling, but overall I was not paying attention because as I read my textbook today my first impression is: “Really?”
How embarrassing.
I wonder if Kennedy or Truman or Eisenhower knew what x equals. I’ll bet they asked someone.
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With the half-way mark so visible, so close it is amazing how much more effort is required to accomplish what should be ordinary routine by now. Today is day 2 of week 2 of my ninth block of classes (or, from another perspective, 117 days away from the half-way mark). A mere 177 days…considering that when I started this journey the number of days to my Associate Degree was 630…seems so close.
Due today is my response to a discussion question in my history class. DQs are usually easy to write and take no time at all. Just do the reading and answer the questions in a substantive way so that your classmates can respond substantively…hence the term discussion question.
I’m stuck, however, because I cannot seem to get into the reading. One would think that being so close to such a significant milestone of a journey would be incentive enough to energize and dig in for the home stretch. Isn’t that how personal trainers get one more set out of the exerciser? Isn’t that how coaches get one more lap out of their players? Isn’t that how long-distance runners press onward although they are physically and emotionally exhausted?
I wonder if my lack of enthusiasm is a symptom of burnout? I have been pushing for 18 months with little or no break through various personal issues (both typical and crises). Every time I turn around, someone in my family (myself included) and/or one of my friends is experiencing some sort of medical or emotional drama. These days, dealing with the adolescent angst of my soon-to-be-12-year-old, coupled with a newly developed angst of my soon-to-be-13-year-old are taking a huge toll on my ability to stay focused on the prize. Lately, I wonder if my employer is about to lay off a bunch more people (myself included) because of all of the closed doors I keep seeing and all of the whispered meetings I overhear at work.
The reading is right there…the book is open…I just can’t get past the first paragraph. It’s easy stuff too… “How did the U.S. economy change after WWII ended, compared to what it had been like during the war? Use specific examples of what people were able to have and do, and what it must have felt like after the scarcity of their wartime experience.” Duh…who doesn’t really know this stuff? Yawn.
Ok…back to it…I have a deadline. And then I need to dive into my Algebra 1A exercises. It’s intimidating to have nothing due in my math class until Thursday. Makes me feel as though I have overlooked something very important.
C’mon. Dig in. Give it 30 minutes. Just 30 more minutes and then rest a bit. You can. You know you can. Focus. You’re almost there…
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Well…here we are, day 3 of 63 in my first math class in 30 years. Day 1 went by easily enough…post bio, acknowledge class policy, etc. Day 2 was due the first discussion question which was a 2-parter…the first part was easy: What is the difference between an algebraic expression and an algebraic equation and if a variable is used are either solvable? Simple (ok, I had to look it up…but it SEEMED fairly straightforward and I was correct. The second part, however…was to post an example of an algebraic equation for my classmates to solve.
I racked my brain to come up with something remotely clever, perhaps having to do with the number of years since I set foot in an Algebra class being equated to the number of times I have to look up the word equated, times the number of times I whined about having to take the class. But, then I couldn’t solve it. Go figure. I ended up posting a lame equation that just about everyone in the class volunteered to try to solve because it was so lamely simple.
Then, I spent 2.57 hours working on a 49-question checkpoint. Good thing it wasn’t timed. I spent an average of 4.3 minutes per question…these are simple, basic, beginning algebra questions. They may as well have been written in Klingon.
My second discussion question is due tomorrow. I have to give the steps of the order of operations and explain why it is important to follow them rather than solve the problem from left to right and then write an expression for my classmates to simplify.
Uh…if all I understand is the simplified version, how’m I supposed to write a complicated one that makes any sense?
I have to keep reminding myself that I’m taking TWO classes this block…2…not one…and if I don’t spend some time on my history class, I’m going to be in serious trouble. Like I’m not already….
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I aced it! Unbelievable…I was so certain there were a gazillion ways to lose points in my Organizational Behavior final essay. I had procrastinated getting it done so thoroughly that throwing it together at the last minute surely meant the price would be points. I acquiesced near the deadline and gave in to futility and then spent the next 24 hours nervously pacing (ok, not pacing…the equivalent online version of pacing is checking the individual forum every hour for an updated post from the instructor) awaiting the bad news. Frankly, I didn’t expect to hear anything until the end of the week…of course, that didn’t stop me from pacing (checking ever hour), so when here it is barely 24 hours after posting the paper a response from the instructor is there. My heart skipped…I was almost afraid to open the post. Was it that bad? Did I forget something? No, I checked…it posted…what then…why so quickly (not that I mind ‘quickly’…just not used to it for grades)?
Holding my breath as I click on the post…
220/220…couldn’t get any better than that! I am so psyched!!!
Now, my family will say something like ‘you always do this…you always think you’ll do poorly and then you get an A’. True…I do always think I did worse than I do (is that grammatically correct?). But this time it was warranted. This time I had actually resigned myself to accept a grade less than an A.
On the paper…not the class…let’s not get carried away…
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Somehow I managed to crank out nearly 700 words in the Capstone CheckPoint today. The instructions were to analyze portions of the final project and discuss how they apply to the strategic goals of the company in the final project.
Wha…? Um… Uh oh.
It is a little bit difficult to analyze portions of nothing. Yes, I had not yet begun my final project. The final project, which is due on Sunday. The final project outlined in Appendix A. The same Appendix A that I confirmed in Week 1 to my instructor that I had read and understood the instructions. The Appendix A that generously gives a timeline with suggestions on how to wisely budget the coming 9 weeks of class in order to successfully complete the project.
Back in November, I wrote a blog about being a closet procrastinator. Subsequently, I vowed to change my bad habits and plan better. I made an effort…I printed out Appendix A (for both classes) and carried them with me wherever I went (ok, not everywhere…but I did take it with me to and from work). While at work it was out of my bag, on my desk where I could see it and hopefully work on it here and there when I had snippets of time to spare between work stuff.
No good.
In December, I wrote a blog about a better way to spend the holiday break. I was going to use the time to study for the CLEP so I would be prepared to CLEP math and not go through 18 weeks of torture.
I didn’t.
When the New Year brought out resolutions (which I rarely vocalize but internally try to resolve to do some things) I thought that Block VIII would be different. Both of the final projects in this block of classes are very involved and require a significant amount of research and voluminous word counts. I knew that from day one and vowed to stay on top of it.
Crud.
So when today’s capstone required 350-700 words on a subject that did not yet exist I found myself in familiar territory. Seems that people who know me are not surprised and are confident that I’ll do just fine. Yet, the anxiety is there…did I cover all of the required material…did I use too many quotations…is the content and context appropriately written?
We’ll know soon enough.
Meantime…I’d better get crackin’ on the two final projects…they’re due in 72 hours. I sure hope the university library doesn’t experience server problems this weekend…
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I have two final projects due in 72 hours…NO…71 hours because Daylight Savings Time is going to rob me of that final hour. Yes, the time difference will be no more for those of us students in California attending University of Phoenix. Unfortunately, in the spring Daylight Savings Time causes us to spring forward…those of us cramming to begin (and we know who we are, don’t we) the projects we’ve had weeks to begin and have procrastinated it to the last weekend of the block of classes have one less hour to squeeze minutes out of…one less hour to pour over dull and tedious research looking for tidbits of credible data to fluff up a 2500-word research paper…one less hour to wait and wait and wait and wait and wait for the Center for Writing Excellence to redline (actually, blueline) 85% of our work (and point out that 35% is quoted material prompting a recommendation to rewrite it using less quoted and more original stuff)…one less hour to helplessly discover that I have no idea how to write a thesis statement…one less hour to stress over whether I have met all of the assignment criteria.
I liked it better when we fell back to Standard Time. I got an extra hour of sleep, I had an extra hour to procrastinate my assignments, and I had an extra hour to breathe in and out. I always did feel a little anxious around 11:00 PM every week though…there was always that uncertainty about the rules…was it just attendance that had to meet the midnight deadline? Or was it the assignments? And the assignment deadline…was that midnight Phoenix time? Or was it midnight local time? To play it safe, I used the 11:00 PM deadline for everything because one week last block I posted late triggering an onslaught of emails and warnings and such about getting booted out of college if I do it again.
So…the advent of Daylight Savings Time has one thing going for it (at least for me)…I’ll have less anxiety about deadlines going into Block IX. And that’s a good thing…because I’m taking Algebra 1A (and we all know how I feel about math) together with a history course. I am not intimidated by history…I just find it boring. So, it is the perfect complement to Algebra 1A because boring will be a welcome relief to all of those gracious volunteers who agreed to lend me the use of their fingers and toes for the duration of my math classes. Special thanks to my big sis, who went one step further agreeing to stand on top of people when I have to do fractions…
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“How has learning about <insert class name here> given you a better understanding of <insert relevant topic here>?" Sigh. Honestly, if I didn’t care about getting a good grade I would say something like: I was so bored with this class that in order for me to answer this question I had to go back through 8 weeks of posts and assignments and re-read everything I wrote in order to compose a reply to this capstone question. Well, it would be the truth.
If it was meaningful to me (good or bad), it usually sticks in my brain. If it wasn’t meaningful, it doesn’t. On the other hand, some things that are meaningful to me don’t stick. I don’t know why. Selective memory? Early Alzheimer’s?
This particular class was Organizational Behavior. Did I learn anything? Probably. Can I pinpoint any one thing? Probably not. Do I now have a better understanding of organizations in my community? Doubtful. Because it doesn’t matter to me. Should it? Probably.
I am fairly cranky these days (obviously) which are making me quite the cynic (which I immensely dislike about me). Time to snap out of it…time for a break…well, not quite time…I have 18 weeks to go…but it is going to fly by, you’ll see. In two short 9-week blocks I will get a 2-week break. Yea!!
Hmm…if I start planning now, what will I do with those weeks?
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I feel emotionally drained. I won’t go into specifics, but suffice it to say that I cannot concentrate on my homework. I’ve read the same paragraph at least a dozen times and I’m getting nowhere. I have two essays due by midnight (Phoenix time) tonight and both of my final projects are due in a week (I haven’t begun either of them). But, life intervenes…
What do you do when circumstances undermine your very ethic, your every attempt, your vital core of responsibility so much that you question the whole point? Why bother? What possible difference is it going to make if I persist? What are the consequences if I let it go? Who benefits? Who suffers? Is there a place for compromise?
We often hear the phrase “pick your battles” but what is the point? Why pick ANY battle if by ignoring some the result is the same as ignoring all? On the other hand, if by ignoring none the end result is an all-out WAR where nobody wins, isn’t the outcome the same?
Watching his charades, I tried to convince them he’s playing them but they don’t see it and won’t listen to me. I’m not stupid but he knows where my buttons are and pushes them relentlessly with no remorse and without a care. He has them all fooled—at least for now—but in the end it is his lack of discipline, his lack of empathy, his lack of responsibility, his lack of caring and his belligerence that will prevent him from succeeding in anything in his future.
Problem is: I take responsibility for him. I care about his future. I want him to be successful. And it is making me crazy.
They want me to pick my battles. I can’t. The battles are intertwined. So I let everything go. Or so I thought…because knowing that I let everything go is what is preventing me from concentrating on anything else.
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