It was a disappointing group effort. What else is new? My team was most definitely no team in Week 5 and although one team member provided the best content in contribution, she did so late and then disappeared for the day. Granted, she informed the team at the last minute that she would be available only until 5:00 PM, it was too little information too late, and her absence in the final hours was noticeable. Another member barely provided anything in contribution or review. He admitted to having connection issues as he was traveling internationally, but I do not consider that an acceptable excuse for not participating in the team effort--especially in the final week on the final project. The worst contributor (if one can refer to her as that) submitted input which, as usual, was quite inferior and full of errors. She posted it at the last minute and also disappeared, never to return to learn where she needed to fix mistakes and help the team polish the effort into something worthy of turning in. The remaining team member had considerable trouble bringing his content together but was the only member of the team who acted like a team member and although was unable to provide any useful help as the piece was being finalized, he stuck around--on no sleep, in a time zone three hours ahead of university deadlines...but he stuck with me.

While I normally do not whine to my instructors about these things (most of the time, such effort or lack thereof eventually balances out over the course of the class), I was compelled to tell my teacher that I feel as though I did most of the work on Week 5's team project. In prior weeks, I repeatedly had to do significant work on two out of four team members’ efforts and the other two team members typically produces work that I consider to be equal to or close to my own. I think that under the circumstances, grading every team member equally on this project is unfair. I busted my behind on this effort because they slacked. We barely made it on time because I had the bulk of the work at the last minute. Early in the week, the team was notified that their input was due no later than midnight on Friday in order to complete the assignment by syllabus deadline of Saturday. Our team charter dictates our projects are completed 1 day early, so by charter, my team should have had their input posted to the team forum no later than midnight on Thursday. As it turned out, only two team members posted by Friday leaving the entire work to be compiled, reviewed, proofread, edited, reviewed again, tweaked, submitted to the CWE, tweaked again, and polished before turning it in that night.

Except for one person...my team disappeared, and yet another posted after-the-fact that she felt her portion was just fine and that she had no need to check back in. Again...this is not teamwork...this is 'do my part and walk away'...

Officially, I will be on a leave of absence from school effective with the conclusion of this class. I am torn between being anxious about delaying my program and being grateful for the needed break. Perhaps this comes at an opportune time?

I have always maintained that momentum is crucial for me to keep on track and reach my goal in this program. I sort of view it as having no time to waste, being the age that I am, and to wait any longer will minimize any opportunities for me to put my hard-earned degree to work in the barely-two-decades left of my career. At 50 years old, and presuming I am in a financial position to do so, I have only a scant 12-15 years left before retiring. If I lose momentum in my degree program now, I jeopardize that.

To me, making excuses and creating rationalizations about this forthcoming and unexpected break in my program is dangerous. If I can justify a break now...what is to prevent me from doing it again? And again? Sure...taking a break now will ease some pressure at home--pressure from too many pots on the fire, so to speak, and pressure from being so darned tired all of the time, and pressure from knowing the holidays fast approach and we are barely ready, and pressure from trying to get the house ready for company.

Not to mention getting a few things done around here for a change!

Yet delaying my schoolwork does bother me. I recently took a 4-week break and it was difficult to get back into the rhythm of schoolwork. I am concerned that taking a 9-week break will be too long. I guess time will tell.

I am looking forward to sleeping more though.

Seriously...a classmate posted today in the general questions thread that since there was to be no participation requirement in this, our final week of class (due to the heavy final exam, final project requirement, I imagine), would response posts made this week count toward participation in previous weeks for those who fell short?

She's kidding, right?

Gosh...if he allows everyone to "participate" all at once in the final week, what would the class discuss during the other four weeks? And these people are in COLLEGE.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Like I've said before, I know grade-schoolers with better academic skills than some of the teammates I have worked with in my Bachelor program. The same applies to their reasoning skills...Newsflash! Participation requirements are spelled out in the course syllabus (not to mention the student handbook and posted under class policies in the very first week of class). Participation requirements must be met during the week; 2 posts on 4 out of 7 days. If you missed this requirement during any of the five weeks of class, you have not adequately participated in the class discussion, have you. By posting a bunch of responses in the final week of class, when the rest of the class is not discussing anything, how is that participating in a discussion? How is that adding to a discussion?

OMG.

Ok...I think I'm just agitated about other things...but my brain is rattling for all of the incredulous head-shaking I am doing from reading some of the things these people are saying.

I need to get some sleep.

I am still reeling from the message from my financial counselor. I started scouring over all of my school paperwork...all of that stuff I had to read and sign when signing up for classes three years ago. I clearly recall conversations with my transition counselor...the one who transitioned me from my associate-degree program into my bachelor-degree program...about out-of-pocket expenses. She did not explain anything about this 4th and 8th class out-of-pocket hit to me. If she had, I would have reminded her that anything of the kind was not possible. Our budget simply does not have the funds. With enough advanced warning, I could scrape it together (and I would have scraped it together), but my family just cannot come up with that kind of money in such short notice. With all of the financial headaches we went through in the past five years, we have no resources. I almost did not go back to school because of our lack of funds. At my age, I never expected to qualify for financial aid of any kind and with my credit in the toilet (refer please to previous comment about financial headaches over the past half-decade), I seriously doubted any loan company would take a risk on a nearly-fifty-year-old college student.

What am I going to do? I have to wait until tomorrow at least to get a response from my financial counselor--after all, today IS Sunday. I still think it was chicken-sh** of him to wait so long to inform me and then do it on a Saturday giving me absolutely zero time to even make an attempt to come up with the cash. It kills me that in one breath someone says, "Oh, you owe $804," and in the next breath they say, "you can put it on a credit card."

Yeah. If I had a credit card (refer to previous statement about...you get the picture).

Grr.

Just when I feel as though everything is starting to fall back into place, I get another email (on a SATURDAY, yet) from my financial counselor telling me that I have an outstanding balance which I have to pay a week before my next class begins or I will have to be rescheduled. Ok, first of all...what is he talking about? When I started my degree program, one of the points I made (I thought) crystal clear to the enrollment counselor was that I have no way of coming up with any significant out-of-pocket expenses. I was assured that this would never be an issue and that my student loans would take care of everything, yet here I am again (this happened once before) being told that I cannot continue my program until I pay this money. $804.

I don't have $804. The whole point of the darned student loan is to pay for my school. If I had $804, I would be paying for my school without the darned student loan.

Then, my financial counselor tries to placate me by apologizing for "any confusion" and go on to tell me that "generally" the loans do not have enough to cover the full cost of attendance and that "generally" there is an out-of-pocket expense in grant-ineligible students' 4th and 8th courses. There is no confusion. I was never told and now I am told I need to in less than a week come up with what may as well be a million dollars. I swear, I have been so close to quitting in the past six months and this is not helping me.

When was he going to tell me this? Apparently, 10 days before my next class is scheduled to start. Apparently, this little matter has to be taken care of a week prior to the start of my class. Let me see...um...that means....yes, my financial counselor told me on a SATURDAY that I was going to have to pay $804 that coming MONDAY. In two days. Or I have to reschedule my next class. I did not have to pay at my 4th course...although he says I did.  

I don't have $804. I have no way of coming up with $804 in less than a week. I do not have available funds for even a payment plan. Had I known it was coming, I would have planned for it. I have no recollection of this expense ever being disclosed to me and I am so irritated I could spit. I am less than 7 days away from completing my current class. I already took a 4-week break prior to this class and because of that break, I am no longer on track for my goal. My momentum is in the toilet and now, apparently, because UoP failed me yet again, I may have to sit back on my heels again and wait.

I emailed my financial counselor back again. He wants to know how I would like to proceed. Short of strangling a bunch of people over in his neck of the woods, I have no idea. I may have to take that leave of absence after all, if I am even eligible to do so. I can't quit...I'd have to start paying back my student loan.

Talk about losing momentum.

I'm kind of pissed off.

Well, obviously we missed charter deadline. Miss lazy-pants did not come back into the team forum to review the redlines on her work. "I ran it through the 'checker' and it's fine" she says. Fine my behind. What checker did she use? Then, when I mentioned that 26% of her work was cited material, which is frowned upon and takes away from the rest of the team's hard work, she said it was fine because she cited it.

Uh..yeah...she cited it alright. She put it in quotes, improperly cited it, wrote the source wrong for the references page and, when I looked up her quote it became clear that she did not even directly quote what she put inside quotation marks. But oh...it is fine...because she cited it.

ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams ihateteams

For all of the time I have spent going back over my team mates work and fixing their mistakes (because they refuse to), I maybe could be learning the actual content of the class. I spend so much time working on spelling, punctuation, grammar, and APA formatting that it is almost not fair to ask me to do any of the research or to prepare anything remotely on topic. (Of course I do but it is not a fair distribution of work.)

We got the paper posted by deadline...syllabus deadline, not charter deadline. Guess who isn't going to get a nice word about her written from me on the learning team evaluation for the week...

You're right!

Our instructor seems to like Sunday deadlines. Frankly, I'm good with that...it leaves me a day to myself. And, if my team were to stick to agreed-to charter rules, our Sunday deadline would be a Saturday deadline which gives me TWO days to myself. Like THAT will ever happen. Why do people agree to terms and then question them after-the-fact? C'mon...if syllabus deadline is Sunday, and if agreed-to charter terms say we turn assignments in 24-hours earlier, then charter deadline is Saturday, so rough drafts have to be done by Friday...it makes sense.

But no...team members question this; 'but I turned mine in on time' they wail... 'On Time' meaning they turned their rough, not reviewed, edited, proofed, corrected, compiled, or approved content in to the team by midnight Saturday. Granted, Saturday IS still 24 hours before syllabus deadline. Granted, Saturday midnight IS charter deadline.

H O W E V E R.... turning in your rough draft AT charter deadline does not allow the team any time whatsover to incorporate your work into the team effort and thus the team effort cannot possibly be turned in by charter deadline.

I called my teammate on this (the one from before...yeah, I wrote about her in one of last month's blog posts) and -- big surprise -- it pissed her off.

Seriously...I want to be done. I so want to not have to do team assignments anymore.

Well, my first week back at work after being gone for nearly two months has come to an end. I have to admit, I was not missing work while I was away, and I was sure liking being NOT at work and still getting paid. This week was spent catching up on things set aside in my absence and debriefing with those covering for me on things that could not be set aside. From what I can tell, my coworkers missed me...either that or they're all just lying to me telling me how things were while I was gone.

Still, the backlog of work was not too great and I managed to get through it, pass out Hawaiian souvenirs, chatted a zillion times with the same story of my being gone and how it all went. Surprisingly, there were even a few who hadn't even noticed I had been gone for more than 7 weeks. I am not sure how I feel about that. I'll have to let it sink in.

Falling back into the school routine was fairly easy as well. This is Week 2 of my Microeconomics class and, having been away from school for a month and away from work at the same time, I feel did impact my ability to concentrate on school. I hope that my rhythm returns soon though...

Tonight was my regular night off...I went to some friends' home for dinner and to relax. Tomorrow is a full schoolwork day. As will be Sunday. Back to the regular routine...weekends are for school. Friday nights are for friends and sleep.

Goodnight!

More on this Learning Team Evaluation Form. There are two questions at the end of the part where we are to rate our classmates based on criteria which is really irrelevant to the recently-completed project. These are, I believe, intended to encourage the student to identify concepts learned and how the concepts might apply in the future. My response to the first question seems to be kind of a knee-jerk one... I don't know...

Can I be done? Please?

Occasionally, my instructors require us to evaluate our learning team experience. The university goes so far as to provide a form with which to do the evaluation. But, the form is all wrong. The way in which the criteria is worded forces the evaluator (me) to unfairly grade a teammate because knowing the teammate’s potential is impossible thus the grade is based largely on speculation. For example: Under ‘preparation,’ I have no way of knowing whether or not my teammate completed all of the reading. I can make an educated guess whether or not my teammate researched the project (based primarily on whether or not citations are used), but it would be just a guess—is that a fair way to rate someone? Under ‘participation,’ some teammates clearly participated to the best of their apparent academic ability—but that ability is significantly inferior to that which would (or at least should) be the ability of a college-level student. Honestly, I know grade-schoolers with better academic skills than some of the teammates I have worked with in my Bachelor program. Yet, is this team member demonstrating his or her best academic ability? Who am I to decide? For all I know, what the team member produces IS his or her best. Should I rate that person a "4" because they are performing their best even though it is inferior? Or should I rate that person a "1" because they are causing the rest of the team extra work by having to correct their mistakes in grammar, punctuation, style, and comprehension?

Two days after posting this message to my team; two days after class starts, the dreaded "one" who will plague me for the rest of this class said in a response post, "Um, after not logging in 1 night I have 34 posts just in this team thread to read." (and I am thinking...And this is unique becaaauuuussseeee?) "But with all respect," she continues (with her punctuation and grammar errors as well), "I think its great we have leaders, I am steady dependent, I will always have my portions in on time, however; I will not be online ALL the time and EVERY night, I'm an active mother of 3, work full time, school and sports, among errand running. I cannot access anything personal at work so I'm only able to get online usually at nights, and usually around 8-9pm after my kids are in bed." (Again I think...AGAIN...this is unique becaaauuuuussseeee?) Honestly, does she think she's the only one???

Sheesh. Nobody told her to be online all the time. Most of us are active parents with children at home, full-time jobs, and other activities preventing us from spending a great deal of time in class. Most of us with kids wait for the kids to be in bed before we settle into class work. And most of us can manage to check into class at least once a night.

Seriously. I want to be done. Can I be done?

Class resumed today. After a 4-week much-needed break I picked up where I left off: Microeconomics. Ewe. The first day showed so many initial posts from the instructor that I feel somewhat intimidated about starting up again. I still have a lot on my plate...can I add school back in and manage without going crazy? I don't really have a choice. Well, technically, yes, I do have a choice. I could quit. Or I could forge ahead. I choose the latter.

I think I will have to take this one day at a time. One week at a time. One class at a time. Until I get my momentum back, I just have to keep going.

I wonder if part of what is keeping me from jumping back in with both feet is the fact that I am not home yet. I'm still away, which makes it difficult at best to focus on anything other than my task(s) at hand and that is taking care of this family. One might think that without the element of my career occupying a third of my day I would have an easier time of it but it just is not the case. There is something to be said about routine...long-standing routine, that helps keep momentum going. Changes in routine have a way of upsetting productivity--at least for me.

I head home in 9 days; maybe I'll have managed to get through Week 1 without too many bumps. From what I can tell, however, this instructor is prolific...hopefully, his assignments are not too crazy.

The picture on my blog profile is of me on my very first day of school at Axia College of the University of Phoenix when I began my Associate Degree program three years ago today. I think seeing that photo today may have been what I needed to get my behind back on track and get my enthusiasm up there right along with it. I had (have) a goal, and a plan, and I am going to do this. I have a tremendous support network behind me all the way and, if I miss my goal by a few weeks, so what?

Anyway, I re-read some of my earlier blog posts and was quickly reminded where my enthusiasm comes from...self-confidence and, yes, experience. Nearly two years ago, in my post entitled "A Different Kind of Commitment," I mention that I believe there is a distinct difference in the definition of the word 'commitment' for distance learners than for traditional learners (brick-and-mortar types) and I stand by that perception today. Two years ago, I claimed that experience (in life, at work, in general) gives distance learners an edge over conventional students--and even fellow distance learners, and I continue to prove that to myself in every class. I am constantly reminded that experience is often the element necessary to solve the problem, and to calm and organize the chaos (which is inevitable in learning team environments--which I hate, but that's another blog post).

So besides my good looks and great people skills (ok, maybe just the latter), and besides my great references and my seniority, I need my degree. After thirty years of performing at or above my own high standards, and thirty years of establishing myself with my peers as the go-to person, if you will, for support and even advice (company-related, of course), I found that experience has leveled the distance-learning playing field for me. Yes, distance learning takes a different kind of commitment. I think that online students my age, who have been in the workplace as long as I have, and who have learned from their experience and their mistakes how to improve themselves, and who have a genuine desire to continue to do so will find as I did that experience is an awesome tutor. Pay attention. I did not realize that I had been, but I sure am glad it turned out that way.

Is today supposed to be some magical day—09 09 09? I am not superstitious, but there are plenty of articles all over the web that the date has some significance to some somewhere. For me, the day was like any other day lately; up early, take care of babies, do laundry, take care of babies, do house work, take care of babies, cook meals, take care of babies, take a shower, take care of babies, go to bed…

…or something like that.

When, exactly, am I supposed to start reviewing the material for the class I am scheduled to begin in less than a week? Was I being overly optimistic that I would be able to study up and get a head start on the class? I am still kicking myself for not downloading the previous class instructor’s syllabus for the class because I imagine this class will have the same, if not similar .

I am beginning to stress about my degree program. I mentioned a few days ago about losing momentum. I fear this may have happened. I am not looking forward to resuming my school schedule next week. I am not ready. I am too tired. I can come up with a bunch more excuses too. What can I do to get my drive back?

Should I be worried?

I forgot that spending a day in the sun takes every ounce of energy out of me. We had a very nice afternoon on the beach. We went late to avoid the heat of the day…apparently, in Hawaii that is the way to do things. It is hot here, that is certain, so I imagine that in the heat of the day on the beach, an hour is equal to 4 hours on a beach in the California sun. I did lather on the sunscreen anyway…and I was “done” after only a couple of hours. It was a nice afternoon.

Unfortunately, the day’s regular activities remained with few exceptions. Of course, I did not have to take my granddaughter to school, and meals were sporadic throughout the day, but infant twins are fairly demanding and do not care where we are or what is the plan…they want to eat when they want to eat, and so exhausted or not, there was work to do.

Thank goodness I do not have also to worry about school. Well, about school-WORK anyway. I do worry about school…I am concerned that I will lose my momentum. I am concerned that when I restart school on the 15^th that I won’t be ready—at least won’t be able to devote the necessary time to school and still continue to help my daughter run her house and take care of her family. I admit that I do not miss the tedious interactions with learning teams (have I mentioned how much I dislike learning teams?) and, realistically, I do not miss school. I am feeling rather “done” with the whole experience these days. Yet, I have another year to go.

Sigh.

Tomorrow is Sunday…and there are still two more days of the long weekend. Maybe I can sleep in?

Probably not.