Kristina Allen
I have faced many challenges during my 29 years of life. I have experienced great joy and great sorrow. My mom has been married many times, so growing up, instability seemed to be our family motto. I am the oldest of four children and a lot of responsibility was placed on me due to that natural endowment of age.
When I was young, between about the ages of two and eleven, the dad that we had at that time was abusive to all of us, including my mom. But that was all that I had known so to me, it was natural and the way of life. Then, when I was about thirteen, my mom married a different man and it seemed that we finally had a true place to call home and a true father figure to call dad. That was a great time in my life and I did a lot of growing up during that time.
My dad taught me how to drive, grounded me for wearing too much makeup, but during his lessons let me know that his love was unconditional. I was finally settled — that is until drugs took a hold of my dad. He died from a heroin overdose when I was seventeen.
Our family reeled from that tragedy, but the year prior when we were watching our dad fall prey to this drug and doing everything we could to help him from hiding the spoons that he used to cook his drugs, to admitting him into a rehab hospital twice, to striking out in anger to show him that we cared, hardened us and prepared us for what was to come.
After that, it seemed as though each of us needed to hit rock bottom before we could grow and become who we would become. My brother entered into a gang and lived the hard life. He experimented with drugs, was stabbed during a gang fight, and ultimately ended up doing some time in our state prison. My sister became angered and lashed out at everyone around her. She became promiscuous and also entered into the gang scene. Both my brother and my sister did time in both juvenile detentions as well as rehabs. My youngest brother was left to my care, because my mom had basically given up. I took my youngest brother under my wing and nurtured him the way he needed and deserved.
I graduated from high school, albeit an alternative school, and before I could go on to college, I became pregnant. My daughter's father was abusive, both mentally and physically. During my pregnancy, I endured many thrashings but stayed through all of them. I had decided that I would not do to my daughter what was done to me and my siblings. I would give my daughter a stable home with a mom and a dad that would remain constant.
I was so focused on this goal, I didn't take the time to step back and realize that I was in essence committing us to a life of abuse. When my daughter was born, an emergency C-section was necessary because her heart had stopped beating while still in my stomach.
I will never forget the feeling of having to leave my daughter in the hospital while I was sent home, of being told that I should have her blessed while still in the hospital because her prognosis was not good. Then ten days later she was able to hold her own temperature and re-learned how to eat. She finally got to come home! She was later diagnosed with cerebral palsy although it was never determined what factored into this occurring.
Her father and I lived together for the first couple years of her life. The beatings didn't stop but I still stayed. It took until the first time that my daughter saw me being hit by her father, when she was close to 2-years-old, that I realized what was happening. I was condemning my daughter to a life where she would grow up thinking this was okay.
I finally managed to get away from her father and my daughter and I moved in with my mom. Although the physical abuse was now gone, it took a lot of time to get over all of mental abuse that had occurred. Being told I was nobody, I wasn't smart enough to do anything with my life — I was destined to be nothing. I went through a hard time and bounced from job to job trying to support me and my daughter.
Then, although it took a while, I finally managed to see reality for what it was and realized that I would be nothing unless I became something. I settled down and come to the realization that I am a good person and that I do have a future. During this time, I met a wonderful man who helped me understand this about myself. We have since become a family and have two wonderful daughters. During my early years of settling into this family life, I found a job as a receptionist at a wonderful company. In the six years I have been there, I have since grown and become the vice president of this company.
My nine year old is my oldest and is the one afflicted with cerebral palsy. My youngest is six and is the greatest sister that I could have asked for my daughter. They are best friends. My oldest can now walk although she still uses a walker and she speaks but unless you've been around her a little while, it can be difficult understanding her.
I can remember looking out the window and seeing the kids trying to get onto the trampoline to play. My oldest, although tall for her age, lacks the stability to be able to climb like that. I see them looking around seeing if there is anything that they can use to climb onto and finally my youngest gets down on all fours and has my oldest use her as a stepstool to get up there. What a moment as a mother that was. I had taught my kids the importance of compassion and family.
But still this wasn't enough. When my daughters each started school, I stressed to them the importance of college and education. I want the best for my daughters and in our society it is through education that they will receive the respect and future that they each deserve. Yet, how could I preach college when I had never attended. That was going to change. I enrolled in our local community college and have been taking classes from there each semester trying to show my daughters that it can be done.
I have been taking the online courses that they offer, but I know that once I am finished with the basic generals, I will be required to attend an on-campus class. I need the flexibility to be able to attend online classes through the entire course of obtaining my degree. I work full-time, have two children and a husband (who also works full-time), and I support my mom who also lives with us at this time. She has been diagnosed with clinical depression so the battle is constant on keeping her looking toward a good future.
Between work, being a good wife, a good mother, and a good daughter, helping my kids with their homework, spending quality time with them, attending conferences, talent shows, volunteering in their school, going to therapy with my oldest (physical, speech and sometimes occupational), and being the glue of my family for my brothers and sister, I have limited time left. Also, I will not settle for just any grade. I push myself for the highest grade that I can achieve. I expect high grades from my children and need to set the example. Therefore, a good amount of time is spent on my classes and my homework. Online classes are really my only option if I am going to stick with it and pursue and obtain the degree that I desire.
I have a great career, yet still, although I have the title, I don't feel as though I have the education to support that title. Also, my children are by far the most important component of this equation. I need them to see that their mom did it, so they can too. It is only through education that I believe you can truly fulfill your potential therefore, in order to fulfill my personal potential I need to go to school and do well in school. The future is only as bright as you make it, and I expect a bright future for myself and my family and this will be achieved through striving for goals, reaching those goals, and then setting more goals to be striven towards.
I thank you for this opportunity and for listening to my life story.