Vivian Bradley
My name is Vivian Bradley. I have been a working mom every since I was a teenager.
I grew up in an alcoholic, verbal and a horrendous physical abusive home. Education was not important in my household, nor encouraged. I liked school; I attended everyday and did very well even though no one would have cared if I hadn't. I was fascinated with reading and used books as a temporary escape from the pain inflicted upon me daily.
I became pregnant as a teenager and escaped from the abuse of my family only to enter into an abusive and controlling relationship. Once again I was trapped and had no way out. I studied hard and completed my GED. This accomplishment made me the first female in my family for generations, to acquire a high school education. I am also the only child in my family who has not abused alcohol or drugs, and has not been in trouble with the law.
I am the single mother of six children. Throughout the years and births of my children I attended college off and on while always working full-time. I was originally working towards a BSW. I worked during the day then went to school at night. I had to give up school several times due to having to work, no babysitter and many other reasons beyond my control. I finally accumulated enough credits to receive an Associate's and several student loans of which I am still trying to repay, which is hard on me. I am repaying student loans and did not complete my schooling.
I have worked two and sometimes three jobs at once to take care of my children. I have no support from family. I do not have any friends because I don't do anything except work. I work double shifts most days and the rest of my time is spent with my children.
I try to instill in my children that without an education they will end up like me working their life away on some low paying job. I was married for a few years, living in a wonderful, quiet neighborhood in a beautiful home where my children were growing up. Two years ago my husband died. Five months ago I lost our home to foreclosure and now my children and I are living in a noisy, unsafe, slumlord house. I pay my rent on time (which is very high) but I cannot get a better house due to my credit report having the foreclosure on it. No one cares that I pay my rent, all they see is that I am a bad risk because I failed at keeping my home.
I cannot take the time to sit in a classroom nor do I have the money. I cannot go any further at my place of employment and I cannot get another job which would pay more. My original goal was to work in the criminal justice field. I would like to work as a Probation Officer.
If I am able to complete my degree I would be able to start to climb back up hill. I need to accomplish the goal of getting a Bachelor's degree. It will help to advance my career and to increase my income. It would also help me to think better about my self. Right now I am feeling like I have failed at everything that I have tried.
I feel as though I am going the wrong way on a dark one way street with no lights on. All the cars are headed my way and can't see me. It's just a matter of time before a head on collision occurs.
I have tried to live a decent and respectable life. I know I have made some choices that just did not turn out very well. I am a motivated person and have always prided myself on my strong will and determination. All of this has dwindled away. I cry every day because I am not able to provide for my children like I should be doing.
I see people who do nothing for themselves but they are rewarded with brand new houses, food stamps, free medical care and the list goes on. Something is backwards with society when we help those who don't try to help themselves. No one has ever given me anything and I have not expected them to. But sometimes a little assistance would be nice instead of hearing no all the time. I know if I give up and do nothing then I would get some help. But that is just not the message I want to send to my children.
Each time I think things cant get worse, they do. Last month on New Year's Eve, someone vandalized my car and broke the windshield. Because I didn't have a lot of money I found some repair guys to get me a windshield at a bargain price. I gave them the keys to the car to repair the car, like you would normally do. I also gave them the money. I have not heard anything from them since. No car back, no money. I was told by the police I could not file a stolen car report because I gave the car to them. So if I want to pursue anything further I would have to try to take them to court. That would be more money out of my pocket that I don't have. And they say crime doesn't pay. Of course it does. The law works fine for the criminal.
If I am awarded this scholarship I can complete my education. This will be something that I am in control of and my success will depend solely on me. Completing my degree online will not take anymore time away from my children. I can be at home with them and we could even do our homework together! I need to be able to complete my education and end this downward spiral. I want my children to be proud of me and to be proud of what I am doing.
I love my children more than anyone could ever imagine. But love does not buy food, love does not buy clothes and love does not pay a mortgage. Money does all of that and with no degree my earning potential doesn't do it either. It hurts me to not be able to take care of my children the way they need to be taken care of.
I have failed at completing my education. I have failed at obtaining a career. I have failed at maintaining a proper home. But the biggest and by far the worse failure of all, I have failed at being a mother.
Thank you for reading this essay and I thank you for your consideration.
Vivian Bradley