Carrie Miller
My name is Carrie Miller. I am working towards an Associate's Degree in Accounting from DeVry University. I am writing this essay in hopes to earn a scholarship to help pay for my college degree. I have always had an interest in book keeping and office work, but I was the typical teenage graduate that was ready to end school and start living life.
I made a promise to my mother that she would get to see one of her three children receive a diploma. Eager to start living life but still keep my promise to, at the time, the most important person and influence in my life, I found out that I was eligible to participate in an early graduation program.
I attended a co-op program where I was in class for half a day then went to work. The job had to qualify as a steady hourly employment. At the time I was working for a full service car wash. Since this job depended on the weather it was not accepted for my class credit so I was placed in our elementary school as a teacher's assistant for the kindergarten class. I kept my job at the car wash working weekends and during the week if needed when I had days off from school. Later I also started a job at the nursing home doing laundry where my mother was employed. Needless to say, my senior year entailed classes, a full-time job, and two part-time jobs. I was no stranger to work and was not afraid to work hard.
I came from a rocky childhood. My parents separated when I was very young. I went back and forth between them through out my childhood along with a brother and sister. From the age of four to the age of nine I had three head concussions. I was in lengthy comas all three times and not expected to live or live as a vegetable through a couple of them. After coming out of the coma there was some minor therapy to relearn some things.
Life at my father's house was very difficult. I was abused by a stepmother that regardless of how hard I tried I could not please. She cut me down and called me names and told me I would never amount to anything in this world. After years of having this beat into me I started to accept it as reality. Not being able to deal with the abuse I finally got the courage to get out and ask for help. I was fifteen going on sixteen when I moved back home to my mom and stepfather. Here I was showed the love and encouragement that I worked so hard to get from my stepmother.
Still having that nagging voice of my stepmother telling me I was nothing, I went on to finish high school as I had promised, but as soon as I received that diploma school became just a memory. I continued to work but got pregnant shortly after graduation. I was starting to live the real life immediately.
The child's father left shortly after finding out we were expecting. He did not have the courage to tell me he was leaving me alone to raise this child. Instead he felt my mother reading his marriage announcement to another woman in the paper was message enough for me. I was devastated and scared for my unborn child. Was I going to be able to provide a satisfying life for this child? I became the typical teenage welfare case. I tried to get a job but no one would hire someone fresh out of school with little experience.
My first child was born with defects that required surgery. My mother and stepfather were very supportive of me and did all they could to help. I needed to get away from the memories of the child's father so I moved back to my father's area, back to old familiar people to start my life over. Instead of starting over I fell right back into the arms of my old life and was married and pregnant with my second child by the age of 21. I worked at a local fast food joint and then a gas station to try to help support my family and my husband's drug and alcohol problem.
Through all this it was always in the back of my mind that I wanted to do something better for myself and my children but I was nothing and it was always going to be just that thought in the back of my mind. I had proved my stepmother right. Growing tired of always being in debt and living with a person that only cared about his beer and dope I walked away from that marriage with my two sons. To me that was all I needed. They were what kept me going. I met someone who was clean and respected and treated my sons and I like we were people and not his property. He loved and took care of us like we were his own family.
I tried to remain a good friend to my ex-husband for the sake of our children. I tried to encourage him to get help if not for himself, for the boys. He told me several times that they were his world and he would do nothing to intentionally harm them. After he was arrested for DUI, I again tried to get him to seek help. Failing, I then tried to have it court ordered.
On November 14, 2002 I was told the court was not about making people change. I was told that in the eye of the law children were not people but rather pieces of property. I failed at providing for my two children. On November 14,2003, one year to the date of our court hearing, I drove home from work to find out that there had been a crash close to our home. My fiancee and I went to check it out because my ex-husband had just shortly left with the boys. We arrived at the crash and spoke to one of the firemen to see if it was them. We were told there were two teenage girls but no young boys as far as he knew. We then went to see if they were at my ex-husband's home. Not finding them there, we then returned to the crash where I found out my ex-husband and both my sons were dead. Now I had to deal with the reality that my ex-husband's drunken habits not only took the lives of our children, the lives I tried so desperately to save, but also had now affected the lives of three innocent strangers, the victims in the car that he hit.
My life was over. My reason for living and what I cherished as my only success in this world, were lying dead in that field. Even though I tried to stop this from happening I still viewed myself as a failure to them. I did not protect them 100 percent like a parent is supposed to protect a child. I forced myself to go to work and tried to live a normal life, but I viewed myself as a failure and nothing was going to change that. Until August 17, 2007.
After almost three years of hurt and disappointment and try and try again we finally succeeded and my prayers were answered. The birth of our beautiful daughter. God gave me a reason to live again. I have the loving support of a true family and all the dreams I had in the back of my mind for my first two children I am now ready to work on for this child. I want to succeed not only for her but for me to prove once and for all I am somebody that I can be proud of.
Even though I viewed myself as a failure then, it has always been a dream of mine to go back to school. I know that I am ready to prove I can accomplish my goals. I feel online study is best for me because I have an infant at home and I missed out on so much when the boys were at this age.
When you are forced to deal with a situation as I was with their death, you not only reflect on the now, but more so the past. What can I do different? I want to have hands-on experience in my daughter's development. I am also *** feeding so staying at home and being able to be there when she needs me is a big priority for me right now. I feel that being home with her is prime opportunity to get the schooling I want. Lastly, after going through these challenges I have come to realize I am supposed to be here for some reason so I want to make the most of it while I still have the chance.