Audrena Dias
I pondered all the things that were to be in this essay and I went down the list of things that should be covered and I began to write. I love writing and I felt this was an opportunity for me to tell my story. I became stumped and trying to put my thoughts about me from my head down on paper became a struggle for me. I would have to write about my failures. I've always wanted to continue my education but my life always took me in a different direction. I always had so many negatives why I couldn't continue my education. The biggest negative was I had been out of school for over 30 years. Then there were small negatives like I was a single mom and had now become a single grandmother; did I truly believe that I would be able to go back to school and make it and one of the biggest questions was why did I even want to go back.
At forty-nine, my whole life had changed. I had raised my two sons as a single mom and my sons had graduated from high school and were now parents. I had endured years of abuse from the children's father where I had been beat into a place where I believed I would never be to do or be anything. Higher education had been beat out of me. The mental and physical abuse left painful memories and scars where I hopelessly felt that all I was to become I had became. I pretty much buried the idea of going back to school.
I had set the wrong example for my children because they didn't strive toward anything more than graduating from high school. In their eyes I was the best mom in the world, but in my heart I knew that they deserved something more from me. My self-esteem was lower, much lower than I realized.
During those 30+ years where I couldn't get my self to return to school I did get involved in those things that meant the most to me. I spent 0ver 10 years working with teens that were pregnant and/or parenting. I became involved in mentoring young teens whether it be through administration duties; providing training materials; preparing life skill activities or through one on one mentoring. Our goal was to prepare the teens by insisting that they continue their education beyond their first pregnancies; delaying second pregnancies until later in their lives after they had educated themselves.
While working with teen moms I got involved in the Girl Scouts organization where I supported and built program opportunities for area girls ages 5 to 17 years of age. In this program our goal is to develop girls to their full potential while helping them to relate to others increasing their understanding, skill and respect. It helped girls to develop a meaningful set of values to guide their actions and to provide for sound decision making so that they may contribute to the improvement of society. I was first a program leader for about 5 years and then I became an area coordinator where my duties stretched out past the girls and reached out to their parents/guardians and enlisted their help to support their daughters through fund raising activities.
Another door opened for me while working part-time at Girl Scouts. I had the opportunity to become a parent aide where I provided assistance to families dealing with substance abuse and physical abuse in the home. I assisted social workers in delivering service to children and families making sure that their court orders were fulfilled. I provided transportation to and from scheduled visits and other appointments as assigned by Children's services. I worked with parents by helping them improve their parenting skills serving as a role model and demonstrating appropriate parent/child interactions during supervised visits. I provided an environment where families were able to maintain contact and strengthen their bonds with their children.
The more I worked with different kinds of people in different situations the more I began to form a career for myself. I realized I could serve these families in a better capacity if I improved my education. I had so many dreams for them. I saw needs every where and each time I tried to fulfill those needs I was always greeted by the fact that I had limited education and my dreams became like a balloon filled with hot air, it began to float away from me and if I didn't catch the balloon before it got out of my reach it would disappear into the skies to be lost amongst all the other dreams deferred.
This is where I began to seek out online college. It didn't take much for me to become discouraged again when I realized that I would never be able to afford to go back to school. Working two part-time jobs limited me to sitting in a classroom. Where would I find the time? But I did spend a lot of time on my home computer typing reports and I figured I could go to school online. I had been checking out online education and I knew if I could just get started somewhere I could move in a direction that would one day pay off. I am interested in an online university that offers a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology. I know that if I could just start there would be a finish for me. With a Bachelor's degree I could continue to work with the families that I have be working with over the past 12 years. My dream has never changed I just sort of did things backwards. I begin working the career that I love and now I need the education to fulfill my dream.