Project Working Mom:
Putting Education to Work

Hello, All!

I am presently not a mother myself, but have a question for all of you who've managed to go back to school, work, and be a mother.

My sister is currently a mother of two (my nephew was born in May and my niece is 2 and a half), she just got back to work after having been laid off this spring.  She's now working part-time in a retail position.  I think she's very smart, hard-working, fast learning, hyper-organized (we joke about her master list of all her lists for her wedding), and quickly moves up the ladder in any job she takes.  Since her hubbie (God bless him) is a bit of a layabout, she's essentially the breadwinner in that family (or will be once she feels compelled to go back to full time). 

I'd like to convince her to go back to school, not necessarily to get a full degree, but to take some courses to get her into a better job (or at least, give her the opportunity to make the most out of the job she has).  The problem is that she's very sensitive about her work and gets offended when I try to encourage her.  I'm to the point that I say nothing, because I don't want her to think I'm judgmental about her (umm, although I suppose in reading this some of you may believe that I am being that way).

So the question I have is: what motivated you out there to get back to school?  Was there any kind of encouragement or support or anything you got from family or friends that helped you to take the next step?  Or is it simply too much pressure to get when you're trying so hard to juggle everything else in your life?  Is this a decision that has to come from within the individual?

If any of you have any tips, suggestions, resources, etc., to help her at least look at education as an option, I'd really appreciate it!

Hi CarmenMiranda,

First, please allow me to say that you seem to have your sister's best interests at heart and you are most likely to get through if your encouragement never seems to become nagging. I suspect that her being sensitive about her work has a lot to do with a low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. I can say that because I've been there.

I have been in the workforce doing what I do for nearly thirty years. I never went to college and relied on my experience and my seniority to ensure my job security. There were times when I thought going back to school would be a good idea but most of then something would prevent me from pursuing it; maybe lack of money or lack of time, but in reality it was a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. I never really thought I was smart enough to go to college.

When my adult daughter returned to online classes in 2005, I found that she came to me for help and advice quite often and it surprised me to learn that I was actually able to help her. The material was not unfamilar to me and quite a lot of it was stuff I had picked up over the years. So when my employer began to exhibit signs of being affected by the slumping economy a few years ago, I started looking for a back-up plan. I'd check out the employment listings in the area to learn what was 'out there' and to see what I would qualify for. I was startled to discover that even entry-level administrative professionals positions required a minimum 4-year degree these days. That was my wake-up call. If something were to cause me to lose my job, I was unqualified to get another one at the same grade and salary level because I had no degree.

My decision to get my degree is based on my need to remain able to financially support my family in today's economy. Without my current income, we would never survive in Silicon Valley (San Francisco Bay Area), and if we move with our current debt load into an affordable economy we would be in similar trouble. I need my degree to ensure my family's immediate and long-term future because the status-quo just will not cut it if I lost my job today. We had no extra money for school but I qualified for financial aid and that was enough to get me scheduled for my first block of classes. That was in September of 2006 and I plan to have my Bachelor degree by my 50th birthday in 2010.

Online (or distance) learning is the only way I could fit college into my hectic schedule. If a nearly-fifty-something full-time executive assistant, wife, mother, and grandmother can do it, then anyone can. They just have to want to.

Like a horse to water...you can encourage someone to go back to school and provide them with all of the reasons why they should (and can), but they have to want to do it. Good luck with your sister...

Good Morning;

I work in retail as well, actually if truth be told I work as a waitress or sorts in retail.(think lattes and book stores) What motivated me was my husband. I had always talked about getting my education, it was a life long dream, for my 40th birthday he gave me my dream, and enrolled me into school.

 School is a huge commitment, especially DL (distance learning) she has to be ready for it. I think it is wonderful that you support her and want her to reach some dreams, but she has to do it on her own. Working and going to school is hectic, scary and down right exhausting. I can't remember the last time I felt so alive, or so very tired. My children are young adults, I think it would scare me half to death to try with babies. As it is the dust bunnies have formed their own army and are about to mount a war, I am not sure what the last meal was that my son ate, probably something with tater tots in it, and I have a vague recollection of what my husband looks like LOL.

 When she is ready and able to she will go back to school, but you can't force her, even if it is for her own good. My advice keep being the good sister you have been, talk to her openly, but support all her decisions even the ones you don't agree with. If her husband is a bit of a layabout she may be scared to make the commitment of school and work. Talk to him as well, but don't go on the defense, just stay calm and casual.

Gem

Hey, I think your doing what you feel is best for your sister and that is awesome.

As a mother of three who just wanted to get a BS Degree I believe it's something that you have to want to do it.  However, that only means that maybe you should ask her.  She may want to do it but, is afraid that others will think she is being selfish with two young children to tend to and a husband. 

But trust me time will continue to move ahead regardless of what she chooses to do.  Kids will continue to grow and need her and her husband will continue to whin - however, without moving forward she may come to resent them for holding her back.

 If they love her as I am sure they are always saying, well let her grow and be the person that she wants to be.  Respect her for who and what she is or can be.  Support her growth.

OAlvarez

What motivated me to go back to school while being a full time mother and holding down a full time job, my little boy. I want to provide for him in all the ways that I can. I want him to have a great life. Also I want him to know that going to college is a good thing and that it is attainable if you put your mind and heart into it. Talk to her about it and maybe help her research into it a bit more.

Sam